Recently I spent a morning cleaning all the windows in my house and washing the screens. Can’t tell you what possessed me that morning since it seemed like any other ordinary morning…but I was happy and even inspired to take on this task. The results were astounding....
Harsh damning words of blame brought stinging tears to my eyes. The blood rushed out of my stomach and my knees felt weak. I was paralyzed by the intensity of the condemnation. Oddly, the verbal attack was not being spoken by someone else – this voice of self-blame and shame was inside.
Is this scenario familiar to you? Are you aware of the voice of shame and/or blame inside that can quickly reduce your insides to mush and your self-confidence to dust? I discovered this voice inside myself years ago when I was ending my ‘happily-ever-after’ marriage and breaking up the family – a big no-no in my ancestral lineage.
My saving grace was beginning an intensive healing program that focused on self-acceptance and forgiveness to release past hurt, blame, pain and guilt. I was desperately unhappy, confused and seeking peace from my inner ‘hell’. When the course facilitators suggested that I was my one-and-only judge, jury, and punisher and the cause of much of my unhappiness I came face to face with a part of myself that had been running amuck in my consciousness. Can I really forgive myself? I wondered. And Will that really release me from this pain?
So I began the process.