During my noetic counseling practice over the past 20 years I have identified many ways that shame impacts our life and the steps to set our self free from this blanket of deadness, silence and isolation. I will walk you through the experience of facing shame and how to begin moving beyond it through grace.
Grace is the active expression or experience of Unconditional Loving of Spirit – which comes from Source/God/Universal consciousness/All that is – whatever name you call that.
We all have an experience of it – it is universal to this reality – but trying to pin that experience down is not easy – for it shows up for each of us in a way that is unique to who we are. My belief, is that grace is one of God’s secret nudges that says ‘hey, guess what. You are not completely in control here. There may be something else going on.’
Many people report that grace comes into their lives when they trust, let go or surrender; others feel grace appears when they are in a state of gratitude or forgiveness – when their heart is open; perhaps when they don’t know where else to turn and finally ask for help or assistance.
Grace lends itself to poetic descriptions and images: overflowing, unconditional, abundant, endless, like living waters or living love; we can ‘grace’ someone else with presence, and that presence is usually described as loving, kindness, peaceful, warm and unconditional.
Grace saves us, unburdens us, takes us from pain to peace or fear to safety – we can be in awe as to how it showed up or expect it and watch for it, like watching for the sun to rise – and knowing that it will appear.
Some of us feel that having an experience of grace is luck – like winning the lottery – others experience grace on a more on-going basis – choosing to live in grace.
This would be a good time for you to reflect on how grace shows up in your Life.
How have you been surprised? Relieved? Saved? Given a break? Received a blessing? Given a second chance – something you did not expect and still gives you the experience of wow. Perhaps grace shows up for you daily in simple ways – smiles, laughter, finding a parking place, hugging your kids, kissing your spouse, talking with a good friend….
I couple shifting from shame to grace because the experience of shame is the antithesis experience from grace.
If grace is awe inspiring, a shameful experience is life sucking. If grace asks us to trust, stay open and let go – shame backs us into a small place inside and says, don’t move…you don’t deserve anything else.
Shame feels sickening, and has us out the door, seperarted, and alienated in a blink of an eye. The knee jerk reaction of shame can be visceral and overwhelming.
Shame has a cousin and that cousin is blame. Shame/blame. Part of experiencing shame is feeling blamed – either by someone else or, more often, our self. The litany of self deprecation that can come from having tripped into a situation unaware of shame can open the flood gates to self-judgment and condemnation.
When we shame and blame ourselves…there is no warmth, no light, no second chance or even the thought that we deserve a second chance.
We feel inside like This mistake was fatal! Most of us, many years ago, shut the door on these feelings- they are very uncomfortable and hard to stay with. Sometimes our bodies can go into very traumatic responses – we feel nauseated or want to get far away from the experience. Leaving the scene of the crime does not end the shame experience. What follows is the obsessive dialogue of self blame or blaming the other and getting even. So we get angry, we judge/blame and exhaust our energy trying to feel better.
We have the ability to replace what now is inhibited by shame & blame.
In the next post, I will take you through 7 steps to taking down the walls that imprison you so you may begin the shift to Grace Based Reality. In the meantime, if you’re looking for a way past the shame and blame, a great first step is to learn to center yourself. You can get my Centering in the Light Meditation absolutely free by clicking here.