Lack of self-compassion - or judging, shaming and blaming our self - results in a lack of self trust. The good news is, there is a process for beginning to crack the code around lack of self-compassion and beginning to explore the link between self-compassion and self-trust.
Process for Self-Compassion
#1. What mistake or regret or guilt/shame are you holding against yourself from the past? (please write this down)
#2. Write down one or two beliefs you have about that memory. Examples: I believe I make awful choices. I believe I always screw up. I believe I can never be forgiven. I believe I can’t trust myself.
#3. Now, close your eyes, take in a nice deep breath and begin focusing on your heart center. Breath in and out several times into your heart allowing your awareness to come present to this moment. (pause) Imagine the energy from your heart warming your entire body with healing energy/light/loving or compassion. (pause)
#4. Repeat out loud one of those beliefs you wrote down about yourself. Then follow that statement with a forgiveness statement. Take in a nice deep breath and release it.
Example: “I believe I make awful choices.” “I forgive myself for believing I make awful choices.” Breathe in and out. Repeat
#5. After you have completed saying the belief, the forgiveness statement and taking in a nice deep breath, just sit for a moment with your eyes closed and ask yourself, “What am I experiencing?”
I picked this particular belief of not trusting the self because trust is a basic self reference point. How do you feel about trusting? Be honest.
The response is almost always either, “I trust too much” or, “I do not trust.”
Maybe you’ve never thought about trusting as an issue.
Do you often find yourself disappointed in life or others? Do you find yourself saying, “Gosh, I trusted so and so…” or feel disillusioned? These experiences could be a result of lack of trust issue.
When I don’t trust myself, I can not trust others. If I don’t trust others…look for an underlying mistrust of self.
Think about all the ways that trusting or not trusting affects your day to day life.
How compassionate are you or can you be if you are unconsciously expecting someone to let you down? Or saying to yourself often - I don’t make good choices so I can’t trust me.
Trusting self is basic to opening our heart. And when we forgive ourself - because we are the ones who judged ourself - we begin to release all of the conditioned/habitual/reactive knee jerk responses inside and create another kind of response - a loving, self-supporting one.
“It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourself, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others” ~ Unknown
If you had a loving, compassionate partner inside that you trusted completely, how would your life be different?