Harsh damning words of blame brought stinging tears to my eyes. The blood rushed out of my stomach and my knees felt weak. I was paralyzed by the intensity of the condemnation. Oddly, the verbal attack was not being spoken by someone else – this voice of self-blame and shame was inside.
Is this scenario familiar to you? Are you aware of the voice of shame and/or blame inside that can quickly reduce your insides to mush and your self-confidence to dust? I discovered this voice inside myself years ago when I was ending my ‘happily-ever-after’ marriage and breaking up the family – a big no-no in my ancestral lineage.
My saving grace was beginning an intensive healing program that focused on self-acceptance and forgiveness to release past hurt, blame, pain and guilt. I was desperately unhappy, confused and seeking peace from my inner ‘hell’. When the course facilitators suggested that I was my one-and-only judge, jury, and punisher and the cause of much of my unhappiness I came face to face with a part of myself that had been running amuck in my consciousness. Can I really forgive myself? I wondered. And Will that really release me from this pain?
So I began the process.